Cambio hacia el dolor

This weekend was retreat weekend. We went to Siguatepeque to have our retreat as a semester abroad group. We were actually at a camp not that much different than what you would find in Michigan. We did the ropes course and various harness inclusive events to teach us all about teamwork and living life. Two things occurred to me during this. First of all, it was a lot of fun, but I did realize that I’ve grown to need more intense things than normal to get a thrill, if that’s what I’m going for. The other thing I realized was that during their application times, I’ve grown past the stage of feeling superior to something because it might seem corny to some and into the stage of feeling superior for not feeling superior, so I guess that’s movement, right?

Speaking of movement, during the retreat we talked about the Myer-Briggs personality tests that we took before we left. Turns out that since last time I took the test I have switched 3 of my traits to the opposites (ENTJ to INFP for those Myers-Briggs enthusiasts out there). I won’t bore with the details, but it’s interesting to me that so much of my personality can change in such a short amount of time, and for the person that I am, it was definitely change for the better.

On Monday we visited a rural area outside of Siguatepeque where an agricultural development group was working. I enjoyed the opportunity of going just to see what is being done in Honduras, and to just show those involved that they are doing great things. Kurt was talking about how so often we tend to go into a situation thinking, “how can I make this better”, but really this attitude is far from necessary, and often quite presumptuous and rude. It was good to let go of that, and to just get to see the work that’s being done, and be happy for the people that have been able to better their own lives and the lives of their community.

When we are right in the middle of a reality, everything changes. I know the idea of poverty, but when an old, wrinkled body holds out a hand to me without even looking me in the face, it becomes a sense; a sight, a sound, even as if it’s a taste in your mouth. While we visited a clinínica, we were shown all the things that were being done for the communities, and how the health of the area was improving. We had the chance to celebrate this with the staff of the clinic. We also had the opportunity to hear of their struggles, of the common diseases in the area, and of the tools they have to treat the diseases. In Honduras, one of the most common cancers is cervical cancer, which is in large part due to infection by HPV, a problem that is exacerbated by the infidelity consistent with a machismo culture. As I learned that there was no vaccine available to the clinics in order to prevent HPV, all I could think about was how hard the young adults I know have resisted getting vaccinated for HPV. I am in no way suggesting that this is a situation where we in the States need to be grateful for what we have. This is just wrong. In the States, there is a huge supply of a vaccine to treat a very small (and often nonexistent) problem, while in Honduras there is no treatment for the problem, despite its enormity, even though the treatment exists. When I think about the cancer that is spreading through Honduras, and the ability of a single vaccination to bring this disease to a halt, to stop the spread of an unwanted intruder, it hurts. Because I realize that it could be better, but it isn’t, and I realize in a present reality the pain that the status quo is causing. Right now I don’t have the nice concluding answer to this situation, all I know is that it hurts, and that it isn’t how it should be. I guess that’s the realization I need if I’m going to be part of any change in the world.